If World War 2 was a MMORPG

Hysterical


*Hitler[AoE] has joined the game.
**Eisenhower has joined the game.
**paTTon has joined the game.
**Churchill has joined the game.
**benny-tow has joined the game.
**T0J0 has joined the game.
**Roosevelt has joined the game.
**Stalin has joined the game.
**deGaulle has joined the game.
*Roosevelt: hey sup
T0J0: y0
Stalin: hi
Churchill: hi
Hitler[AoE]: cool, i start with panzer tanks!
paTTon: lol more like panzy tanks
T0J0: lol
Roosevelt: o this fockin sucks i got a depression!
benny-tow: haha america sux
Stalin: hey hitler you dont fight me i dont fight u, cool?
Hitler[AoE]: sure whatever
Stalin: cool
deGaulle: **** Hitler rushed some1 help
Hitler[AoE]: lol byebye frenchy
Roosevelt: i dont got crap to help, sry
Churchill: wtf the luftwaffle is attacking me
Roosevelt: get antiair guns
Churchill: i cant afford them
benny-tow: u n00bs know what team talk is?
paTTon: stfu
Roosevelt: o yah hit the navajo button guys
deGaulle: Eisenhower ur worthless come help me quick
Eisenhower: i cant do **** til rosevelt gives me an army
paTTon: yah hurry the fock up
Churchill: d00d im gettin pounded
deGaulle: this is fockin weak u guys suck
*deGaulle has left the game.
*Roosevelt: im gonna attack the axis k?
benny-tow: with what? ur wheelchair?
benny-tow: lol did u mess up ur legs AND ur head?
Hitler[AoE]: ROFLMAO
T0J0: lol o no america im comin 4 u
Roosevelt: wtf! thats bullsh1t u fags im gunna kick ur asses
T0J0: not without ur harbors u wont! lol
Roosevelt: u little biotch ill get u
Hitler[AoE]: wtf
Hitler[AoE]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a huge fockin army
Hitler[AoE]: thats bullsh1t u hacker
Churchill: lol no more france for u hitler
Hitler[AoE]: tojo help me!
T0J0: wtf u want me to do, im on the other side of the world retard
Hitler[AoE]: fine ill clear you a path
Stalin: WTF u arsshoel! WE HAD A FoCKIN TRUCE
Hitler[AoE]: i changed my mind lol
benny-tow: haha
benny-tow: hey ur losing ur guys in africa im gonna need help in italy soon sum1
T0J0: o **** i cant help u i got my hands full
Hitler[AoE]: im 2 busy 2 help
Roosevelt: yah thats right biznitch im comin for ya
Stalin: church help me
Churchill: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here
Stalin: dont be an arss
Churchill: dont be a commie. oops too late
Eisenhower: LOL
benny-tow: hahahh oh sh1t help
Hitler[AoE]: o man ur focked
paTTon: oh what now biotch
Roosevelt: whos the cripple now lol
*benny-tow has been eliminated.
*benny-tow: lame
Roosevelt: gj paTTon
paTTon: thnx
Hitler[AoE]: WTF Eisenhower hax hes killing all my sh1t
Hitler[AoE]: quit u hacker so u dont ruin my record
Eisenhower: Nuts!
benny-tow: wtf that mean?
Eisenhower: meant to say nutsack lol finger slipped
paTTon: coming to get u hitler u paper hanging hun cocksocker
Stalin: rofl
T0J0: HAHAHHAA
Hitler[AoE]: u guys are fockin gay
Hitler[AoE]: ur never getting in my city
*Hitler[AoE] has been eliminated.
*benny-tow: OMG u noob you killed yourself
Eisenhower: ROFLOLOLOL
Stalin: OMG LMAO!
Hitler[AoE]: WTF i didnt click there omg this game blows
*Hitler[AoE] has left the game
*paTTon: hahahhah
T0J0: WTF my teammates are n00bs
benny-tow: shut up noob
Roosevelt: haha wut a moron
paTTon: wtf am i gunna do now?
Eisenhower: yah me too
T0J0: why dont u attack me o thats right u dont got no ships lololol
Eisenhower: fock u
paTTon: lemme go thru ur base commie
Stalin: go to hell lol
paTTon: fock this sh1t im goin afk
Eisenhower: yah this is gay
*Roosevelt has left the game.
*Hitler[AoE]: wtf?
Eisenhower: sh1t now we need some1 to join
*tru_m4n has joined the game.
*tru_m4n: hi all
T0J0: hey
Stalin: sup
Churchill: hi
tru_m4n: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff!
tru_m4n: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES
Stalin: d00d gimmie some plz
tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple
Stalin: omg dont be gay gimmie nuculer secrets
T0J0: wtf is nukes?
T0J0: holy sh*tholysh*thoylshti!!!111
*T0J0 has been eliminated.
**The Allied team has won the game!
*Eisenhower: awesome!
Churchill: gg noobs no re
T0J0: thats bullsh*t u fockin suck
*T0J0 has left the game.
**Eisenhower has left the game.
*Stalin: next game im not going to be on ur team, u guys didnt help me for ****
Churchill: wutever, we didnt need ur help neway dumbarss
tru_m4n: l8r all
benny-tow: bye
Churchill: l8r
Stalin: fock u all
tru_m4n: shut up commie lol
*tru_m4n has left the game.
*benny-tow: lololol u commie
Churchill: ROFL
Churchill: bye commie
*Churchill has left the game.
**benny-tow has left the game.
*Stalin: i hate u all fags
*Stalin has left the game.
*paTTon: lol no1 is left
paTTon: weeeee i got a jeep
*paTTon has been eliminated.
*paTTon: o sh1t!
*paTTon has left the game.

Sunday Comix

Heh. You gotta admit this is good-natured humor.

Is she missing the point?

What's she president of again?

Yesterday on Fox News’s Your World With Neil Cavuto, Leslee Unruh, president of the National Abstinence Clearinghouse, argued that this pill a “pesticide” that will make women “like men.” She called it an “attack on children and families,” ending the segment with shouts of, “I want more babies. More babies. We love babies.”

Today's Toon

The Eloquent Mr. Brownback

This has to rank as one of the more humorous crash-and-burn gaffes by a politician as of late.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18630174/

The Coolest 8 Year Old In The World Talks About O'Reilly

Pros and Cons of Top 20 Democratic Candidates

See previous post for link. Heh

1.
HILLARY CLINTON
Pro: Known commodity; strong fundraiser.
Con: Polarizing; unlikely to woo those already opposed to her.

2.
BARACK OBAMA
Pro: Articulate; resembles foxy actor Blair Underwood.
Con: L.A. Law was kind of overrated now that you think about it.

3.
JOHN EDWARDS
Pro: Has strong appeal to working-class voters.
Con: As a resident of two Americas, he must raise twice as much money and spend twice as much time campaigning.

4.
BILL RICHARDSON
Pro: Appeals to all Latino voters with the last name "Richardson."
Con: New Mexico is legally part of Mexico; therefore, he's constitutionally ineligible.

5.
JOE BIDEN
Pro: Technically still running for president.
Con: Dude. Come on.

6.
DICK CHENEYIN AN ELABORATE LATEX DISGUISETHAT TAKES FIVE HOURS TO APPLY
Pro: Trojan horse, my friend. Trojan fucking horse.
Con: Ruse would be so exciting that he would surely drop dead of a massive stroke about a month before Iowa.

7.
OPTIMUS PRIME
Pro: Size; power; ability to emit short-range optic blasts.
Con: Potential attack ad: "Sometimes Optimus Prime is a robot, other times a truck. Which is it, Mr. Prime? America deserves a leader that doesn't transform whenever it's convenient."

8.
ROSS PEROT
Pro: Hilarity.
Con: None.

9.
DENNIS KUCINICH
Pro: Solid anti-war stance; adorable; strong to the finich.
Con: Election laws limit magical pixies to only one term in office.

10.
JIMMY CARTER
Pro: Nobel Prize winner; available; just as good at not knowing what the hell to do about Iran as anyone else.
Con: Judging by photos, approximately 415 years old.

11.
ALLEN IVERSON
Pro: Instant offense.
Con: Selfish with the ball; may have lost a step.

12.
IRA GLASS
Pro: Thoughtful; self-effacing; like many Americans, enjoys cable television.
Con: At present, no budget line item exists for moody introspective music to underscore every statement president makes in order to make it sound more poignant.

13.
BONO
Pro: Knowledgeable about global health issues; everyone seems to like him; Joshua Tree album.
Con: Too busy hugging everyone to actually execute the duties of office; no one likes the sound of "Vice President the Edge" or "Secretary of Health and Human Services Larry Mullen Jr."; the whole "Zoo TV" thing.

14.
AL GORE
Pro: Knows how to get to the White House, where to park, location of restrooms.
Con: Wants to accomplish something meaningful.

15.
WALTER MONDALE
Pro: Has spent last 22 years going over tape, reviewing mistakes, plotting, scheming, waiting, watching, preparing to pounce like a 79-year-old Minnesotan panther.
Con: None.

16.
JESUS CHRIST
Pro: Could draw some initial interest from the Christian right until they research his actual positions in a deeper way; likable; strong leadership qualities.
Con: Unkempt; pretty far left; messianic complex.

17.
THAT ONE GUY WHO SEEMED REALLY COOL
Pro: Remember? He was a senator or congressman or something? It was a while ago. He seemed super-smart but also normal. I saw him this one time.
Con: Crap, what was his name? Or was it a lady? Do you know who I'm talking about? Crap.

18.
ZOMBIE LYNDON JOHNSON
Pro: Could sway red-state voters as well as Fangoria crowd; '60s-era campus unrest has died down.
Con: Tendency to groan instead of talk could hurt chances in live debates; constant need to feed on fresh brains could limit campaigning.

19.
OPRAH WINFREY
Pro: Popular; influential; could rally the silent masses already violently opposed to Jonathan Franzen.
Con: May only exacerbate nationwide Maya Angelou plague that has decimated much of the nation.

20.
YOU
Pro: Gained valuable exposure as Time magazine's Person of the Year; seems to be Internet-savvy.
Con: Ever since the Time thing, you've been awfully smug.

Pros and Cons of the Top 20 GOP Candidates

Funny as hell. From McSweeneys

1.
RUDY GIULIANI
Pro: Unifying force after 9/11; articulate speaker.
Con: The whole "pro-choice, pro-gun-control, New Yorker, used to live with gay dudes, adultery" thing might hurt him with conservatives. A bit.

2.
JOHN MCCAIN
Pro: Comforting resemblance to character actor Gavin MacLeod.
Con: Murray from The Mary Tyler Moore Show lacked leadership qualities and Captain Stubing from Love Boat got a little goofy whenever Charo was a guest star, leaving executive branch vulnerable to Charo impersonators who are actually Al Qaeda operatives.

3.
MITT ROMNEY
Pro: Named after Mittens, the family cat, later shortening name to "Mitt." People love cats.
Con: Religious beliefs could create problems, as many Americans may not be ready to accept worshiper of ancient Egyptian god Ra.

4.
ZOMBIE RONALD REAGAN
Pro: Probably the most Reaganesque candidate available; if stoked with the brains of the living, should operate in an acceptable fashion.
Con: Long-dead eyes lack that magic twinkle; inhuman groans negatively impact "Great Communicator" status.

5.
FRED "TOMMY" THOMPSON
Pro: Diverse résumé includes stints as governor of Wisconsin, senator from Tennessee, cabinet secretary, and several TV acting gigs.
Con: Contractually bound to appear in all 319 Law & Order programs currently in production.

6.
MIKE HUCKABEE
Pro: Lost 110 pounds due to health concerns, potentially allowing him to serve as healthy example for overweight Americans.
Con: Those 110 pounds have reconstituted into a diminutive all-fat Democratic consultant who knows Huckabee's every moveI Heart Huckabees was pretty uneven-->.

7.
SAM BROWNBACK
Pro: Serves as a positive role model for ethnic brownbacks all over the country.
Con: Such an ethnicity does not technically exist; lacks the pen-gripping power of Kansas Senate predecessor Bob Dole.

8.
NEWT GINGRICH
Pro: Well known.
Con: See above.

9.
EDDIE VAN HALEN
Pro: I tell you what, he would bring the nations of the world together through ROCK! He'd be all deedly-deedly-deedly-DEE-DEE-DEE! on his guitar and the bosses of the other countries would be all, "Whoa! Let's stop fighting and start rocking!"
Con: Drunken wretched mess.

10.
DUNCAN HUNTER
Pro: Appears to be some sort of politician who wants to be president, I guess. That's all anyone in the entire nation knows about him, including himself and his family.
Con: Born with two last names, though this liability could be mitigated by teaming with Texas Representative Ron Paul, who is also running.

11.
ROBOTIC SUPER BEES
Pro: Programmed mandate to destroy enemies with unrelenting deadly force could be an advantage in contentious general-election fight and when facing down hostile nations or other bees.
Con: Murderous instinct less advantageous in delicate diplomatic negotiations and the parsing of complex tariff issues.

12.
BIGFOOT
Pro: Available; independent; tall.
Con: Elusive; smelly; once elected he could disappear into the woods around Camp David and we'd never see him again.

13.
YOUR MAMA
Pro: Strong personality; nurturer; kind; strict when she has to be; always shows up at soccer games or school plays; skilled at managing a busy family.
Con: Upon her election, nation would be instantly vulnerable to any number of verbal attacks about president being so fat, so ugly, so stupid, etc.

14.
OHIO STATE CENTER GREG ODEN
Pro: Size; soft hands; positive attitude; high basketball IQ; given America's recent losses abroad, nation is automatically eligible for first pick in upcoming draft, so he will be available.
Con: Once his rookie contract is up, Oden would be free to sign with any other nation on the planet for bigger money.

15.
KENNY LOGGINS
Pro: Is all right; therefore, no one needs to worry about him.
Con: Gonna take you right into the danger zone.

16.
CHUCK HAGEL
Pro: Could potentially deliver his home state of Nebraska to the Republicans.
Con: Risks losing votes of near-sighted supporters of Kierkegaard, Schopenhauer, Heidegger, and Nietzsche who think the ballot says "Hegel."

17.
A HUGE BARREL OF OIL
Pro: Coveted; influential; beloved by business community; understood by allies and enemies alike.
Con: Unlikely to support biodiesel-fuel development in the Midwest, potentially hurting chances in Iowa primary; slick.

18.
A WOMAN OF SOME SORT
Pro: Could win support of other women.
Con: Women are not allowed to join the Republican Party.

19.
CHEERS
Pro: Pretty funny show to watch when there's nothing else on.
Con: Frustrated voters may want to be able to pick and choose which part of the show to vote for, preferring the Shelley Long years over the Kirstie Alley years or stocking up on mostly Lilith episodes, but it doesn't work like that. You have to vote for the whole show.

20.
OHIO
Pro: Could deliver crucial votes in Ohio.
Con: President would spend way too much time agonizing over the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame; sleeping arrangements in new White House, which would span hundreds of square miles, could get contentious.

The Aristocrats

Take two.

The Republican Party walks into the American People’s living rooms, and says, "We're the Family Value’s Party, and we'd like to represent you."

The American People say, "Sorry, but we’re a little leery of Family Values parties. They tend to be scams run by demagogues.”

Republican Party says, "But this is really special."

The American People says, "Okay, well what's the act?"

The Republican Party replies, "Well after the worst attack on American soil in history, we hijack the nation's grief and rage to plunge us into a war with entirely the wrong country.

“Then we let the actual terrorist responsible for the attack to sit in a comfy chair on the edge of the stage and laugh and laugh and laugh for the duration of the performance.

“The Mainstream Press then comes out, bends over and we take them violently and repeatedly from behind by jamming giant lies up their poop chutes, which come spurting out of their mouths the next day as 'authoritative reporting'. Then we cite our own regurgitated lies as independent ‘proof’ that we're right....

Yes, It's Off-Topic but Damn Funny

From The Smoking Gun

When Capt. America Throws His Mighty Burrito

Florida doctor in superhero costume busted for groping women

APRIL 24--Meet Dr. Raymond Adamcik. The Florida man, dressed as Captain America and with a burrito stuffed in his tights, was arrested Saturday night for allegedly groping women at a Melbourne bar.

Adamcik was part of a pub crawl in which participants wore costumes. While at the On Tap bar, Adamcik, 54, allegedly touched the genital areas of two women, according to a Melbourne Police Department report, a copy of which you'll find here.

"Because there were so many cartoon characters in the bar at this time, all Captain Americas were asked to go outside for a possible identification," notes the report.

One woman positively identified Adamcik as the superhero who groped her. While being booked, Adamcik asked to use the bathroom. It was then, police charge, that he attempted to flush marijuana, which apparently had been hidden in his blue tights.

Adamcik was charged with battery, disorderly conduct, and pot possession. He was released after posting $2000 bail.

Toons: Fair and Balanced

In the interest of balance, I submit the following as the Toon of the Day:

Toons for the Day

Cartoon Humor

DBD Hits It

Heh.

A Classic

South Park.....pseudo-conservative humor for 10 years

http://www.rollingstone.com/news/coverstory/south_park_still_sick_still_wrong/page/1

About Dick Cheney

From IMAO...

After Cheney was targeted by terrorists while in Afghanistan, numerous urban legends about him have surfaced, some old and some new. Here's the facts sorted from the fiction:

Claim: Cheney could have been hurt in the bomb attack in Afghanistan.
Status: False

Cheney is invulnerable to conventional weaponry. According to DoD reports, Cheney can only be harmed by a direct nuclear blast or by magical attacks. Bomb blasts only anger him.

Claim: After the attack, Cheney was rushed to safety.
Status: False

Reportedly, Cheney formed a one man death squad after the attack, killing anyone he suspected had anything to do with the attack or may have known anyone involved with the attack. Everyone in a nearby village was found dead, all having been blasted in the face with a shotgun. In the center of the village was Cheney's usual calling card: a strangled puppy.

Claim: Despite his gruff demeanor, Cheney is a compassionate man.
Status: False

Cheney is a merciless killing machine and knows no emotion. According to Cheney's staff, he wants to kill you right now. When asked for a reason, the only answer given was, "Because he's Dick Cheney."

Claim: To protect his health after numerous heart attacks, Cheney follows a strict, healthy diet.
Status: False

Cheney's heart was reconstructed in a sole-source Halliburton contract, and Cheney needs to bite the heads off live kittens for fuel. The alternative fuel source is whiskey.

Claim: Cheney divorced all financial ties to Halliburton by insuring his pension.
Status: False

Halliburton continues to pay Cheney money out of fear. The amount is based on how much pain and suffering he causes in the world.

Claim: Cheney received five draft deferments to keep him out of the Vietnam War.
Status: False

The U.S. government decided not deploy Cheney in the Vietnam War to avoid charges of war crimes.

Claim: Cheney swallows small children whole.
Status: False

He chews first.

Seated Next To A Blonde

A Guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move.

"You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."

The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," says the guy. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff -- grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"

The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea".

"So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"