About Dick Cheney

From IMAO...

After Cheney was targeted by terrorists while in Afghanistan, numerous urban legends about him have surfaced, some old and some new. Here's the facts sorted from the fiction:

Claim: Cheney could have been hurt in the bomb attack in Afghanistan.
Status: False

Cheney is invulnerable to conventional weaponry. According to DoD reports, Cheney can only be harmed by a direct nuclear blast or by magical attacks. Bomb blasts only anger him.

Claim: After the attack, Cheney was rushed to safety.
Status: False

Reportedly, Cheney formed a one man death squad after the attack, killing anyone he suspected had anything to do with the attack or may have known anyone involved with the attack. Everyone in a nearby village was found dead, all having been blasted in the face with a shotgun. In the center of the village was Cheney's usual calling card: a strangled puppy.

Claim: Despite his gruff demeanor, Cheney is a compassionate man.
Status: False

Cheney is a merciless killing machine and knows no emotion. According to Cheney's staff, he wants to kill you right now. When asked for a reason, the only answer given was, "Because he's Dick Cheney."

Claim: To protect his health after numerous heart attacks, Cheney follows a strict, healthy diet.
Status: False

Cheney's heart was reconstructed in a sole-source Halliburton contract, and Cheney needs to bite the heads off live kittens for fuel. The alternative fuel source is whiskey.

Claim: Cheney divorced all financial ties to Halliburton by insuring his pension.
Status: False

Halliburton continues to pay Cheney money out of fear. The amount is based on how much pain and suffering he causes in the world.

Claim: Cheney received five draft deferments to keep him out of the Vietnam War.
Status: False

The U.S. government decided not deploy Cheney in the Vietnam War to avoid charges of war crimes.

Claim: Cheney swallows small children whole.
Status: False

He chews first.